He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
