Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're too hungover to prance.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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