so that wasnt chicken after all
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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