plz talk dirty to me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
