We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
