She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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