so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You did what with his pubic hair?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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