You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
