and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
