oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
