i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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