Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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