Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
