the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
