Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's rum buckets o'clock
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize