You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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