you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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