i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
