We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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