I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
