Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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