we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
