remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
