So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
