the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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