Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
