he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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