If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
