I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
