Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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