Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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