You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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