i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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