Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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