he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
