Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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