is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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