is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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