Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
