Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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