Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
