I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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