you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
