P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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