It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
