I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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