And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
