No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
