quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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