So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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