youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
