dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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