I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
