my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
