My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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