I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
