I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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