About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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