giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
