just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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