so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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