i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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