I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
