You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
