My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize