In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
