found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
