Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
