Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
