I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
