i jhust puked up my retainher.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
