So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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