just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
