i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
