Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
