I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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