ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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