somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
