drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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