pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
