Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
