Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The best revenge is premature balding
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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